Ok...I remember getting taught the facts of life....but I'm pretty sure it didn't involve freaky rednecks, frogs, hippos, or owls.
Anyone?
Showing posts with label Signs of the apocalypse. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Signs of the apocalypse. Show all posts
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Friday, March 13, 2009
Woman gives birth to..... block of cheese?
There is no way I could possible do this justice, so I won't even try. At first read I thought that she had actually stuffed the cheese inside herself, but it looks like she was carrying it on her outside. Too bad. Story would be that much better the other way. LINK
Woman Gives Birth to Block of Cheese 
Woman Gives Birth to Block of Cheese
Berlin, DE -13 Feb. 2009- A pregnant woman rushed to the hospital to give birth shocked doctors and staff when it was revealed that what she had passed off as a fetus for months was in fact a large block of cheese.
The woman, whom hospital administrators have refused to identify due to confidentiality rules, has a history of mental illness, according to medical records obtained from people close to the situation. Not only has she been detained in the past for public disturbances, but she has been on significant doses of anti-depressant and anti-psychotic medications for many years.
One attending doctor, speaking on the condition that they remain anonymous, remarked that it is not uncommon for some individuals to fake medical conditions in order to gain attention and financial support. Using cheese to fake a pregnancy, however, seems to be unprecedented, even among the mentally ill.
“Beyond weird,” remarked the doctor. “I don’t know how one would do it, but it must take an unwordly level of self deception to even conceive of something like this.”
What’s more, the woman had apparently registered herself at several stores for an upcoming baby shower and had been regularly consulting an obstretician by phone.
With so much contact with others, it is unclear how she was able to keep from revealing herself for so long. According to sources familiar with the matter, all of her neighbors believed her to be pregnant, and had helped her pay her rent and shop for baby clothes and furniture.
Around 4 am on Thursday, after the woman was heard complaining loudly of severe pains outside an apartment building. Neighbors, assuming that she was in labor, took her to an emergency room where doctors uncovered a sodden and moldy mass of what they later determined to be several bricks of cheddar cheese bound together with twine.
Residents of the apartment building refused to comment, and the woman has been detained pending further psychiatric evaluation.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
He calls it rape, they call it sport.....
Not to be outdone by the Africans....here's an article from The Daily Times out of Pakistan.
So, where does this cross the line from ultimate fantasy come true to "rape"? Probably at the point where his genitals started bleeding. Unless the girls were ugly. Then it was probably rape right from the start.
And how did they keep him going for four days? Even as a willing participant (which is like....all the time) I would probably need chemical assistance to do it enough in four days to make my junk bleed. I'm just saying.
3 women ‘dupe, kidnap, rape’ man in Karachi
* Case registered, police looking for alleged rapists
* Police say man sexually assaulted over four days
KARACHI: Karachi police have registered a case against three unidentified women who allegedly kidnapped a man and raped him over four consecutive days and then threw him near Qayyumabad River in an unconscious state. The case has been registered on a complaint by the victim, identified only as Khalil (23) – who recently arrived in Karachi from Rahimyar Khan and works as a waiter at a restaurant in Neelum Colony, Clifton. On the night of January 27, an identified man ordered Khalil to deliver food to women sitting in a car parked outside the restaurant where he works. “After giving me the order, the man went towards the car. I took the order to the car where the women – two of whom were young and the third was middle-aged – told me that they had recently shifted to the area,” said Khalil. He said the women asked him to deliver food to their house every day, and he agreed. “They asked me to go along with them in the car ... they said they wanted to show me where their house was.” Khalil said the women gave him a ‘glazed sweet’ and once they got to the house, “they gave me milk that had some drug mixed in it ... I fell unconscious after drinking it”. Khalil said when he gained consciousness, he found that the women had undressed him, “and they were forcing themselves onto me”. ASP Asad Raza said the women assaulted Khalil sexually for the next four days, and then threw him near Qayyumabad River. Khalil managed to stop a passing motorist – who took him to Civil Hospital. “His condition is really bad ... his genitals are bleeding and he cannot walk properly,” said Raza. Raza said the women belonged to rich families of Karachi’s Clifton area. “It’s a complicated case ... but we are hoping that we will solve it soon,” he added. faraz khan
So, where does this cross the line from ultimate fantasy come true to "rape"? Probably at the point where his genitals started bleeding. Unless the girls were ugly. Then it was probably rape right from the start.
And how did they keep him going for four days? Even as a willing participant (which is like....all the time) I would probably need chemical assistance to do it enough in four days to make my junk bleed. I'm just saying.
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Learn about people by watching them in their natural habitats
A couple people (ok...one) have asked me why my facebook status (actually from Twitter) reads "Just about had to strangle an old man at Mac's".
Well kids, ol' Ren has got a story for you. Anthropologists have known for years that one of the best ways to learn about a culture is to actually immerse yourself into it. (I learned this by taking an anthropology class in university, not by disguising myself and hanging out with actual anthropologists). Unfortunately they have also found that it is pretty much impossible to observe a culture without affecting it by your presence. For example, strangling the subject. Or giving them small pox. Either of which I probably would have subjected the man at the Macs store to, if only I hadn't been wearing my hospital photo ID around my neck on a lanyard.
"So Ren", you ask, "what exactly did this guy do that has you so upset?". Well, let me tell you. A couple work-friends and myself headed over to Mac's to grab a snack during our coffee break. We collected our poisons of choice and got in line. There was a bit of a line-up with a father-son team at the front, followed by an old man with a walker and an old woman with one of those strollers for dogs that should have never been bred. I think it even had a cat in it. I'm not sure what is weirder, taking your cat for a walk in a stroller, or owning a dog that needs to get carried everywhere.
So yeah, it turns out the old man and old woman were together, so the line wasn't really that bad. Especially for them, since they were second in line. However this apparently wasn't quick enough for gramps so he demanded that the man in front of him hurry up and move so he could put his purchases on the counter. This is barely acceptable under any circumstances, for one, you ask, you don't just tell someone to hurry up and move. And also it's not like the man actually could move.... he was RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF HIS TRANSACTION WITH THE FUCKING CASHIER!!! Yes. Not only did this old piece of shit man tell off a guy in front of his teen-aged son, but he did it for nothing. The dude was waiting for his change. I mean, yeah...you're in a hurry....you're gonna die a whole lot sooner than the rest of us, since you're so old, and you apparently have some anger management issues which I've been told don't help to extend your life much. But chill the fuck out.
So dad kinda tells him off right back, and old dude heaves him another heap of incoherent bullshit. So dad tells him he's just going to have to wait his turn, since he's not leaving without finishing his purchase, and the old dude starts ranting to his wife. While he complains about "the nerve of some people" and my work friends and I watch the father-son team leave the store, a woman strolls up to the cashier and makes a purchase, jumping over the entire line-up. Old grumpy pants finally turns and even though I'm sure it would be impossible for him not to notice that there is a different person in front of him than before, says nothing. What the hell. I think it's time for a dose adjustment.
So finally it's his turn and he starts unloading grocery items from his walker onto the counter. The cashier simply asks him "are you sure you have money this time?". I love it. In one simple statement the cashier lets us all know that this nut-job is not only senile, but on social assistance as well. Fantastic. So since I have nothing else to do I look at what the guy is buying. Milk, eggs, bread....etc. All groceries. You know....the kind of stuff that you get from a grocery store, because convenience stores charge waaaaaay too much for them. Oh but this guy doesn't need to price-watch, I can tell by his scruffy beard and worn-out jogging pants that he is incredibly successful and just doesn't need to fuss over the nickels and dimes like us regular working-folk. I mean, I've picked up a jug of milk at the convenience store more than a few times. Sometimes it's just easier or quicker, or on-the-way, or whatever. But who actually does their grocery shopping there?
Oh yeah, people on social assistance, and other folks who damn-well can't afford to. I mean, everyone has to make a trip to 7/11 or whatever for the necessities every now and then, but if you're ever there while someone seems to be doing their entire weekly shopping trip you can bet they're not wearing a suit. Heck, they're probably not even wearing clean clothes. Nope, for some reason the people that you see paying twice as much for the essentials are the ones who can barely afford the essentials at regular price. I would not be surprised if the same type of bad decision making that leads to doing your main grocery shopping at Mac's is the same type of decision making that led to you being on the receiving end of my tax dollars in the first place.
So yeah, the cashier gets done scanning and bagging everything and the dude pays. Then he loads his bags back into his walker. Then he stands and chats with his wife about what they're going to do next. Notice I didn't say anything about him actually moving away from the counter. The cashier gestures to me to pass my drinks over the side of the till to him so he can start ringing me through. I quip "yeah, I guess I'll just pass these over, rather than yelling at the people in front of me, hey...". I complete my entire transaction with gramps and wifey still in the way. "But Ren," you say, "cut them some slack, they're old and slow". I say they forfeited their right to any slack when they told off some dude for nothing (in front of his fucking kid), and then proceed to do exactly what they accused him of.
Old folks always talk about how young people "have no respect". Yeah...no shit. Where do you think they learned it. Oh sure, their grandparents might be sweet as pie. But it's not hard to get the wrong idea about the aged when you go into the Mac's store with your dad to get a slurpee and he gets told off for no fucking reason. Gee. I bet that kid is gonna head right down to the nursing home and read some books out loud for some of the old biddies.
Maybe the reason anthropologist have so much trouble observing without intervening is because they have to see stupid shit like this. I just wish I didn't have my ID on display. I'm sure it's too late to teach that old dog some new tricks so strangling probably wouldn't have helped. I guess it would have had to be small pox.
Well kids, ol' Ren has got a story for you. Anthropologists have known for years that one of the best ways to learn about a culture is to actually immerse yourself into it. (I learned this by taking an anthropology class in university, not by disguising myself and hanging out with actual anthropologists). Unfortunately they have also found that it is pretty much impossible to observe a culture without affecting it by your presence. For example, strangling the subject. Or giving them small pox. Either of which I probably would have subjected the man at the Macs store to, if only I hadn't been wearing my hospital photo ID around my neck on a lanyard.
"So Ren", you ask, "what exactly did this guy do that has you so upset?". Well, let me tell you. A couple work-friends and myself headed over to Mac's to grab a snack during our coffee break. We collected our poisons of choice and got in line. There was a bit of a line-up with a father-son team at the front, followed by an old man with a walker and an old woman with one of those strollers for dogs that should have never been bred. I think it even had a cat in it. I'm not sure what is weirder, taking your cat for a walk in a stroller, or owning a dog that needs to get carried everywhere.
So yeah, it turns out the old man and old woman were together, so the line wasn't really that bad. Especially for them, since they were second in line. However this apparently wasn't quick enough for gramps so he demanded that the man in front of him hurry up and move so he could put his purchases on the counter. This is barely acceptable under any circumstances, for one, you ask, you don't just tell someone to hurry up and move. And also it's not like the man actually could move.... he was RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF HIS TRANSACTION WITH THE FUCKING CASHIER!!! Yes. Not only did this old piece of shit man tell off a guy in front of his teen-aged son, but he did it for nothing. The dude was waiting for his change. I mean, yeah...you're in a hurry....you're gonna die a whole lot sooner than the rest of us, since you're so old, and you apparently have some anger management issues which I've been told don't help to extend your life much. But chill the fuck out.
So dad kinda tells him off right back, and old dude heaves him another heap of incoherent bullshit. So dad tells him he's just going to have to wait his turn, since he's not leaving without finishing his purchase, and the old dude starts ranting to his wife. While he complains about "the nerve of some people" and my work friends and I watch the father-son team leave the store, a woman strolls up to the cashier and makes a purchase, jumping over the entire line-up. Old grumpy pants finally turns and even though I'm sure it would be impossible for him not to notice that there is a different person in front of him than before, says nothing. What the hell. I think it's time for a dose adjustment.
So finally it's his turn and he starts unloading grocery items from his walker onto the counter. The cashier simply asks him "are you sure you have money this time?". I love it. In one simple statement the cashier lets us all know that this nut-job is not only senile, but on social assistance as well. Fantastic. So since I have nothing else to do I look at what the guy is buying. Milk, eggs, bread....etc. All groceries. You know....the kind of stuff that you get from a grocery store, because convenience stores charge waaaaaay too much for them. Oh but this guy doesn't need to price-watch, I can tell by his scruffy beard and worn-out jogging pants that he is incredibly successful and just doesn't need to fuss over the nickels and dimes like us regular working-folk. I mean, I've picked up a jug of milk at the convenience store more than a few times. Sometimes it's just easier or quicker, or on-the-way, or whatever. But who actually does their grocery shopping there?
Oh yeah, people on social assistance, and other folks who damn-well can't afford to. I mean, everyone has to make a trip to 7/11 or whatever for the necessities every now and then, but if you're ever there while someone seems to be doing their entire weekly shopping trip you can bet they're not wearing a suit. Heck, they're probably not even wearing clean clothes. Nope, for some reason the people that you see paying twice as much for the essentials are the ones who can barely afford the essentials at regular price. I would not be surprised if the same type of bad decision making that leads to doing your main grocery shopping at Mac's is the same type of decision making that led to you being on the receiving end of my tax dollars in the first place.
So yeah, the cashier gets done scanning and bagging everything and the dude pays. Then he loads his bags back into his walker. Then he stands and chats with his wife about what they're going to do next. Notice I didn't say anything about him actually moving away from the counter. The cashier gestures to me to pass my drinks over the side of the till to him so he can start ringing me through. I quip "yeah, I guess I'll just pass these over, rather than yelling at the people in front of me, hey...". I complete my entire transaction with gramps and wifey still in the way. "But Ren," you say, "cut them some slack, they're old and slow". I say they forfeited their right to any slack when they told off some dude for nothing (in front of his fucking kid), and then proceed to do exactly what they accused him of.
Old folks always talk about how young people "have no respect". Yeah...no shit. Where do you think they learned it. Oh sure, their grandparents might be sweet as pie. But it's not hard to get the wrong idea about the aged when you go into the Mac's store with your dad to get a slurpee and he gets told off for no fucking reason. Gee. I bet that kid is gonna head right down to the nursing home and read some books out loud for some of the old biddies.
Maybe the reason anthropologist have so much trouble observing without intervening is because they have to see stupid shit like this. I just wish I didn't have my ID on display. I'm sure it's too late to teach that old dog some new tricks so strangling probably wouldn't have helped. I guess it would have had to be small pox.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Today's sign of the apocalypse
Today I was out shopping and decided to browse the HMV a bit. I suppose that was my first mistake, but let's ignore that for now. I was wanting to buy a Replacements album or two.... but of course they didn't have any.
But that's not the worst part.... I took a peek in the jazz section to see if there was anything that jumped out at me and what did I see but an entire row of Harry Connick Jr albums and only 3 by Miles Davis.
"But Ren!" you exclaim.... "Harry Connick has had a very successful career, from his first album at the age of 10 and a total of about 25 albums between then and now".
At this point I kick you in your head for making a worthless argument defending a mediocre "artist" who makes the kind of Jazz music that makes people say they hate jazz because it is boring as hell.
This is Miles Davis people!!! .... the man so cool he got name-checked in Billy Madison as part of a peeing-your-pants joke and came away all the cooler for it. Allmusic.com lists about 95 studio/live albums for him, not counting compilations. There are at least 5 of his albums that every music store on the planet should keep in stock at all times just as a service to humanity.
And if your music store has room for 20ish Harry Connick Jr cd's (including duplicate copies) it should sure as hell should have room for at least a dozen Miles Davis albums.
And don't even get me started about their lack of Bob Dylan.
(This rant courtesy of a guy who was there looking for Let It Be by the Replacements....so you know it's not just some jazz snob either!)
----------------
Now playing: The Replacements - Answering Machine
via FoxyTunes
But that's not the worst part.... I took a peek in the jazz section to see if there was anything that jumped out at me and what did I see but an entire row of Harry Connick Jr albums and only 3 by Miles Davis.
"But Ren!" you exclaim.... "Harry Connick has had a very successful career, from his first album at the age of 10 and a total of about 25 albums between then and now".
At this point I kick you in your head for making a worthless argument defending a mediocre "artist" who makes the kind of Jazz music that makes people say they hate jazz because it is boring as hell.
This is Miles Davis people!!! .... the man so cool he got name-checked in Billy Madison as part of a peeing-your-pants joke and came away all the cooler for it. Allmusic.com lists about 95 studio/live albums for him, not counting compilations. There are at least 5 of his albums that every music store on the planet should keep in stock at all times just as a service to humanity.
And if your music store has room for 20ish Harry Connick Jr cd's (including duplicate copies) it should sure as hell should have room for at least a dozen Miles Davis albums.
And don't even get me started about their lack of Bob Dylan.
(This rant courtesy of a guy who was there looking for Let It Be by the Replacements....so you know it's not just some jazz snob either!)
----------------
Now playing: The Replacements - Answering Machine
via FoxyTunes
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