Do I look like I'm a Christian?

Ah, the things you hear at work sometime.

I don't know why it came up, but one of the Muslim women at worked asked another lady, I'll call her "Jackie", if she was a Christian.

Her reply, as is the title of this post was, "Do I look like I'm a Christian?" with a fair amount of .....almost disdain in her voice. I was thinking, well, not really any of my business, but you look about as Christian as anyone else.

"Jackie" then went on to explain that she was Indian by descent and "brown" so therefore it was a silly question. I wholeheartedly agree that it was a silly question....but not for the reasons she listed. I really don't think questions about religion, even ones as basic as that, have any place at work. I mean if you choose to declare your affiliation by wearing a turban, or head scarf, or have a pentagram tattooed on your forehead, that's your choice.... but it really shouldn't be a question that anyone should be asking.

Of course I already knew "Jackie" didn't share this opinion since she confronted me at Christmas about how lucky I was to be not working the holiday since I was a Christian (I'm not.....). She even called me a liar when I told her I wasn't. Social graces are not "Jackie"'s strongest skill.

So yeah, back to her declaration that she must not be a Christian because she's Indian. I think she needs to run some numbers. There's actually as many or more Christians in India than in Canada. On the last census info I could get, 2.3% of the Indian Population was Christian, compared with 77% of Canadians. "Er, Ren...." you say, "77% is way more than 2.3%", to which I reply....yes, but 2.3% of 1 billion-ish is as much or more than 77% of 30 million. The last numbers I could find listed India as having 24 million Christians and Canada as having 21 million.

Basically, if you're just driving down the sidewalk hitting people with your car, you're more likely to get a Christian if you're doing it in Canada, but I'd certainly suggest you try to hit just as many Indian-looking people as you did whites just to make sure you don't miss a bunch.

So, to answer you "Jackie"....yes, you do look an awful lot like a Christian.

I don't quite remember this part

Ok...I remember getting taught the facts of life....but I'm pretty sure it didn't involve freaky rednecks, frogs, hippos, or owls.

Anyone?

How does this happen?

My dodgeball team, the ROY G BIVS (best/lamest name ever all at the same time) won our league this season. It was a "really-rec" league where they don't judge you on wins and losses but on your sportsmanship and the amount of fun you have.

What confuses me is that our team didn't really go out to have fun and our sportsmanship was questionable at best. We were playing to win....and I don't think a bunch of rage cases hucking balls at people as hard as they can is really the epitome of either good sportsmanship or having fun.

Woohoo.

Basically, the league champ was determined by having the captains vote for which team was their fave for the year based on overall fun. I can only assume we were voted for because people wanted to vote for the team they thought would get the least votes so they'd have the best chance of winning. Looks like that backfired.

Love

Stolen and barely modified from http://xkcd.com/112/

I'm confused

This post is meant as a bit of a joke, and maybe at the same time a bit of not-a-joke.

Why....in the middle of an "obesity crisis", are women (and men even) still complaining about the media "bombarding them with unrealistic images of what they should look like"?

The last report I looked at stated that 65% of americans are overweight or obese. On the other hand, 5-7% of american women will suffer from anorexia or bulimia during their lifetime.

I will never try to argue that eating disorders do not cause significant health problems and I definitely won't make light of that fact, however, I think anyone could agree that obesity's list is mighty impressive. Obesity can contribute to your chances of getting diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, fuck...I'm not going to list them all....look here if you really don't know what being fat does to your health.

Now, I understand that eating disorders are serious, and that even in the absence of an eating disorder, people can experience low self esteem and feelings of anxiety or inadequacy due to not looking as good as they think the people on tv or in the magazines do. But is the media's message really the problem? I'll admit that I have no use for fame for fame's sake and therefore do not read "People" and their ilk....but I've always found they have a variety of shapes of people within their pages. Why do women automatically associate the skinniest thing in front of them with what everyone thinks is ideal? Maybe a few years ago that was the case, but it seems lately that the super-skinny is being stigmitized almost as much as the super-fat.

Maybe it's just me being so confident in my body image that I'm missing this stuff....except that's not it. Ask anyone who actually knows me, I have my hang-ups. There's stuff about me that I wish was different. I wish my arms were a bit beefier. I wish my jaw-line was more defined. I don't know what I'd want my hair to be.....but I really don't like it. I wish that I didn't feel so ugly that pulling the "You won second prize in a beauty contest" card in monopoly causes a momentary sense of pride. And yeah there are famous people, and even not famous people that I wish I could look more like....but it doesn't keep me up at night. And why would it?

Hell....if I go to the magazine rack there's all sorts of stuff there trying to make me feel inadequate. All the houses and gardens in the Home and Garden section look better than my house and my garden. Most of the cars in the car magazines are cooler than mine, and they're definitely newer. All the computers are faster, smaller and more powerful than mine, and all the tv's are bigger and brighter. Do I wish my stuff was more like that stuff....sure. Does it make me feel bad that my stuff isn't more like that stuff. Yeah, a bit. Am I outraged that they don't put more dumpy houses in the magazines with garages full of older, uncool cars and rec-rooms filled with small tv's and big, slow computers. No....not really. It's nice to look at nice and fancy stuff that's better than mine. And for me, when I actually do look in a magazine, it's kinda nice if the people in it look a little better than the people that are hangin' out at the mall.

And even if the ideal is set a little too far on the skinny side of things, is that necessarily a bad thing? Remember..... 65% of americans are fat at this moment. Is it a bad thing to surround them with images of people who are skinnier than them? But what about the people who end up getting eating disorders. Well, for starters....let's look at things on a completely indifferent, numbers-only level. Less than 10% of americans will suffer from anorexia or bulimia in their lifetimes. Which of those numbers is bigger?

And pretty much everyone agrees that there is a pretty large psychological component to eating disorders. Obsessive-compulsive disorder and depression seem to go hand-in-hand with anorexia and bulimia. What's to say that even if every environmental/societal trigger for these diseases was removed that the same people who would have had these problems wouldn't succumb to something else. A vicious cycle of never-ending home-improvement. Frequent upgrading of vehicles despite there being no problem with the old one. Compulsive shopping perhaps? Hmm...looking at the current economic crisis and the credit crunch, maybe it's already happened.

So yeah, for all you women (and men) in the middle. Maybe you should stop whinging about "the media" making you feel inadequate by bombarding you with unrealistic body images, and start thinking for yourselves. Take a look at yourself and be as healthy as you can be, and stop worrying. Sure there are people on TV who are hotter than you....but that's ok. I bet your boyfriend or girlfriend thinks you're pretty alright. Do you think you'd even bother with TV or movies if the people weren't better looking than you or doing more interesting stuff than you? If you don't like the people that are on your tv or in your magazines, there's a simple solution. Stop buying the magazines, and turn off the tv. If it's really burning you up inside then stop buying the products that are advertised during the shows that offend you and write letters to the companies. Personally I say leave things the way they are. There are way too many fat people and they need someone to look up to.

Oh yeah, maybe put the credit card away for a bit too, last years stuff is fine.

More curry

For those of you who look here more often than you look at dodgycurry.ca I'd just like to give you a heads-up that there are 3 new reviews up.

Personally I think they're pretty good. Worth waiting three months for? Well...I wouldn't go that far, but they're pretty good.

I do want to get some more up sooner than later....currently our review of "The Taj" is the newest review and therefore the closest to the top, however I wouldn't say it's the best example of our writing. It's more of an in-joke for regular readers and I'd hate for it to be the first (and then probably only) thing that a new reader clicked on.

Well, check em out. And send us an email, or comment here....we love getting feedback.

Woman gives birth to..... block of cheese?

There is no way I could possible do this justice, so I won't even try. At first read I thought that she had actually stuffed the cheese inside herself, but it looks like she was carrying it on her outside. Too bad. Story would be that much better the other way. LINK


Woman Gives Birth to Block of Cheese

Berlin, DE -13 Feb. 2009- A pregnant woman rushed to the hospital to give birth shocked doctors and staff when it was revealed that what she had passed off as a fetus for months was in fact a large block of cheese.

The woman, whom hospital administrators have refused to identify due to confidentiality rules, has a history of mental illness, according to medical records obtained from people close to the situation. Not only has she been detained in the past for public disturbances, but she has been on significant doses of anti-depressant and anti-psychotic medications for many years.

One attending doctor, speaking on the condition that they remain anonymous, remarked that it is not uncommon for some individuals to fake medical conditions in order to gain attention and financial support. Using cheese to fake a pregnancy, however, seems to be unprecedented, even among the mentally ill.

“Beyond weird,” remarked the doctor. “I don’t know how one would do it, but it must take an unwordly level of self deception to even conceive of something like this.”

What’s more, the woman had apparently registered herself at several stores for an upcoming baby shower and had been regularly consulting an obstretician by phone.

With so much contact with others, it is unclear how she was able to keep from revealing herself for so long. According to sources familiar with the matter, all of her neighbors believed her to be pregnant, and had helped her pay her rent and shop for baby clothes and furniture.

Around 4 am on Thursday, after the woman was heard complaining loudly of severe pains outside an apartment building. Neighbors, assuming that she was in labor, took her to an emergency room where doctors uncovered a sodden and moldy mass of what they later determined to be several bricks of cheddar cheese bound together with twine.

Residents of the apartment building refused to comment, and the woman has been detained pending further psychiatric evaluation.

He calls it rape, they call it sport.....

Not to be outdone by the Africans....here's an article from The Daily Times out of Pakistan.

3 women ‘dupe, kidnap, rape’ man in Karachi

* Case registered, police looking for alleged rapists
* Police say man sexually assaulted over four days

KARACHI: Karachi police have registered a case against three unidentified women who allegedly kidnapped a man and raped him over four consecutive days and then threw him near Qayyumabad River in an unconscious state. The case has been registered on a complaint by the victim, identified only as Khalil (23) – who recently arrived in Karachi from Rahimyar Khan and works as a waiter at a restaurant in Neelum Colony, Clifton. On the night of January 27, an identified man ordered Khalil to deliver food to women sitting in a car parked outside the restaurant where he works. “After giving me the order, the man went towards the car. I took the order to the car where the women – two of whom were young and the third was middle-aged – told me that they had recently shifted to the area,” said Khalil. He said the women asked him to deliver food to their house every day, and he agreed. “They asked me to go along with them in the car ... they said they wanted to show me where their house was.” Khalil said the women gave him a ‘glazed sweet’ and once they got to the house, “they gave me milk that had some drug mixed in it ... I fell unconscious after drinking it”. Khalil said when he gained consciousness, he found that the women had undressed him, “and they were forcing themselves onto me”. ASP Asad Raza said the women assaulted Khalil sexually for the next four days, and then threw him near Qayyumabad River. Khalil managed to stop a passing motorist – who took him to Civil Hospital. “His condition is really bad ... his genitals are bleeding and he cannot walk properly,” said Raza. Raza said the women belonged to rich families of Karachi’s Clifton area. “It’s a complicated case ... but we are hoping that we will solve it soon,” he added. faraz khan

So, where does this cross the line from ultimate fantasy come true to "rape"? Probably at the point where his genitals started bleeding. Unless the girls were ugly. Then it was probably rape right from the start.

And how did they keep him going for four days? Even as a willing participant (which is like....all the time) I would probably need chemical assistance to do it enough in four days to make my junk bleed. I'm just saying.

Friday night Flames Fun

So, I managed to score a ticket to the Flames game last night. It was a good game, I'm glad I went. I love watching hockey and I don't really do it enough. But this story isn't about that. It's about all the wonderful people I saw during my evening.

First of the night, an older couple sat down across from me in my little pod of four seats on the train. They looked pretty shaggy and horrible, but I don't think they were homeless....maybe he was a college professor or something. They were talking about boring stuff....and I really didn't want to get accidentally included, so I just put them on ignore and proceeded to text message pretty much everybody I know.

I've got an LG KEYBO (worst name EVER) phone, with a fold-out full QWERTY keyboard. And while I'm typing away, the wife notices my phone and starts talking to her husband about it. Ok, whatever....you're old and it's kinda neat...fair enough. But she doesn't just stop...she goes on and on.

"look at that phone he has"
"i think it has a full keyboard"
"it does, it does have a full keyboard"
"i bet you can really type fast on those"
"oh, but it's so small he still just uses his thumbs"
"but boy he can sure type fast anyway"
"do you think I should get one of those"

Husband (first thing he's said other than uh huh) - "What? Why? What the hell would you do with that?!?"

"it just looks really neat"
"you can tell, he's talking to all his friends"
"keeping up with things"
"young people are so in touch these days"

Finally I'd had enough. I flipped my phone closed and decided to make super-uncomfortable eye-contact with her. She shut right up but I'll admit she held my stare for about 2 seconds before looking over at her husband and resuming talking about not-me.

Seriously. What the hell. Did you not realize I could hear you. You were exactly 1.5 feet away from me. Our fucking knees were pretty much touching. I've had dates with less physical intimacy. Maybe she just thought I couldn't understand her. Like I was a puppy. Or a badly misdirected Nigerian boy who doesn't speak a word of english.



So, the next hilarious person, was the greasy hippy at the game itself. He had the whole outfit. Long stringy gray hair, that used to be black. Leather headband with some kind of fake jewels up front and center. Big horrible mustache. Suede Navajo jacket with fringe. Skin tight vertically striped pants in Chicago Bears colors (orange/blue/white). Flames jersey.

Whoah. Back it up. What were those last two. For starters...doesn't wearing "Officially Licensed Product" kinda go against the whole hippy mentality? I'll admit, he didn't have it customized or anything, and it wasn't one of the newest RBK Edge jerseys.....but still.....that just rubbed me the wrong way. And I don't even know what to say about those pants. They were incredible. They looked like something one of the second tier British Invasion groups would have worn....like the Dave Clark Five, or the Spencer Davis Group. You know...those guys.

Stranger still was his seating arrangement. You'd think that a filthy dirty hippy would A) be sitting alone, just ruining other peoples nights with his existence. Or B) be sitting in a posse of other filthy dirty hippies. Possibly a drum circle in section 222. But nope. He was sitting in the middle of a group of relatively clean-cut younger guys. Maybe he was their uncle. Just out of jail. "Hey kids, point out on the doll where dirty old uncle tom touched you"......



On the ride home on the train I got two good ones. The first was a father and son, riding the train home after the game. The kid about 17 or 18, dad older enough to have an 18 year old kid. Nothing weird about that you say. Well it is if they have matching fucking jackets. And they did. Admittedly some matching jackets would be ok. Like Calgary Flames jackets. Or, some kind of sports team they both play on. Or a family business. Also, take note, I'm not talking about jackets that are just kinda similar....like if they both had black leather bombers or something.

Nope....completely identical ski-jackets. The kind you get at costco with the zip-out fleece, and then as soon as you get it home you notice everyone else in town is wearing one. It's one thing to match some random person at the mall. But seriously guys....couldn't you have grabbed different colors or something? Did you think that you were never going to be out in public together? I know they're a great deal....but think ahead....just for once.



The last one was less an oddity than just some simple eye-candy for me. She got on a couple stops into the ride. Fairly attractive, late 20's-early 30's Indian girl. Wearing a very nice short skirt. I may have been paying too much attention to the father-son fashion mistake for the first part of the ride, but then I just couldn't wait for them to get out of the way. The nice thing about the C-Train is at night you can use the windows for some nice covert views of things. You look like you're staring wistfully into space when in reality, you're looking at some girl. Or some dirty hippy. Or whatever looks most interesting that you maybe don't want to get caught staring right at.

What I didn't want to get caught staring at was her legs. Nothing special....maybe a bit chubby even. But, the way she had them crossed, her skirt was only about 1/2 a breath away from completely exposing her panties. She rode on and on, talking on her phone the whole time, when finally it came to her stop. But she didn't realize at first it was her stop. She was too engrossed in her phone conversation. So when she realized she was about to miss her station, she quickly, and carelessly uncrossed her legs giving me a full view. She was never in danger of exposing her panties, they were safely at home where she'd left them.

Damn Carjacking Goats

Ok....I've really got to start following more African news. I've got another big winner this time from Nigeria. If Nigerians like goat curry as much as I do, this guy is in big trouble....maybe he should have picked a less tasty creature.

Original article here

Nigerian police detain goat over armed robbery

LAGOS (Reuters) - Police in Nigeria are holding a goat on suspicion of attempted armed robbery.

Vigilantes took the black and white beast to the police saying it was an armed robber who had used black magic to transform himself into a goat to escape arrest after trying to steal a Mazda 323.

"The group of vigilante men came to report that while they were on patrol they saw some hoodlums attempting to rob a car. They pursued them. However one of them escaped while the other turned into a goat," Kwara state police spokesman Tunde Mohammed told Reuters by telephone.

"We cannot confirm the story, but the goat is in our custody. We cannot base our information on something mystical. It is something that has to be proved scientifically, that a human being turned into a goat," he said.

Belief in witchcraft is widespread in parts of Nigeria, Africa's most populous nation. Residents came to the police station to see the goat, photographed in one national newspaper on its knees next to a pile of straw.

(Reporting by Nick Tattersall; Editing by Katie Nguyen)

One more phrase from retail hell

I haven't had to deal with this one in a while....but I always enjoyed the inanity of it.

When referring to your debit machine and wondering which way to swipe their card - "Why do they have to make every machine different?"

Er.....what?!!??

Actually...let me just run a statistical analysis, based on the number of choices, assuming equal distribution of all possible options. ....ok done.... I would say only about 50% of debit machines are different than this one you're trying to use here. You either swipe with the black stripe facing towards the body of the machine, or away from it. 2 choices. Unless this is the second time you've ever used your card, I'm guessing they haven't all been different.

Ok...there are some machines that you swipe across the top, but most you swipe down the side. This isn't really an important distinction, it's pretty obvious where to swipe your card. Unless you were a customer at my old Safeway. Even though the swipey gap was clearly on the side there was a tiny gap between the machine and its mounting bracket that people would frequently try to run their card through. This was despite the fact that the gap was narrower than a card, and despite the fact that forcing their card through the gap actually resulted in the plugs to the back of the machine being disconnected. Yep, despite this, I'd have to reconnect my till's debit machine a couple times per week.

So yeah....they're not "all different".... it would be nice if they put a reader on both sides so the direction you faced the card would be irrelevant, but they don't. And even if they did....there are the people who insist on swiping their cards with the black stripe up in their hand instead of down in the groove in the machine. Maybe you should talk to your bank about putting the magnetic strip on all 8 possible sides of your card, instead of whinging about the machine.

Jeans vs Underwear

One of my coworkers and I were chatting about relationships the other day. She was talking about how, while every relationship is going to have a certain amount of fire and passion in the beginning, eventually that is going to fade and it's the friendship and common bond that you have formed that will keep you with that person over the years.

And I said, "well duh, most failed relationships are like underwear while the successful ones are like jeans."

And she looked at me so confused. And then she thought about it. And then she started talking, and she fleshed it right out. And it's funny...I didn't even think about it before I said it, but I think I hit the nail right on the head. Maybe I'd heard the analogy before....or maybe I'm just a genius. Could go either way really.

But back to the analogy.

A new pair of underwear is a pretty snazzy thing. They always fit so well. If you're a lady, there's a good chance they look really nice and sexy. Heck, if not for public decency laws and your own modesty, you'd probably show everyone you meet your new undies.

The problem with new undies, is that they don't stay new. Right from the first time you wash them little problems start to show up. Maybe a little detergent stain (or worse) so they don't look as nice. Maybe the elastic gets a little stretched out. Maybe a couple holes here and there. Next thing you know, you're looking for a new pair of undies. But that's the thing with undies, they're disposable. You don't have to invest a lot into them and you can get some real quality use out of them. But then when they start to get a bit old, there's nothing better than to just throw them away and get a brand new pair.

I'm sure you've figured out where this is going, but I hate to stop when I'm on a roll.

Jeans are a tricky beast. You can search all over town, check out dozens of pairs, and then come home with one that just feels kinda good. When you look in the mirror, they look pretty good, and your friends will probably admire them, but they're still just little odd when brand new. Maybe you'll even wonder if you should have gotten a different pair.

The magical thing with jeans though, is with time they just get better and better. With each wash they get a little softer and more comfortable. They start to fit a little better. Maybe they don't look as shiny and new as they once did, but everything else about them is better. Eventually, your jeans start to feel like an extension of yourself, and you really can't imagine doing anything without them. Ever pack for a trip without putting your favourite jeans in the suitcase? Probably because you were already planning to wear them en route. You can't imagine ever having to go get a new pair because you know they'll never be as good as the ones you already have.

When you're shopping for clothes, you can tell which one you're buying in advance. It's a little more difficult with relationships. Oh yeah, there are clues here and there, but also it takes a lot of hard work and commitment. Good luck finding your favourite jeans people.

3 New Reviews Up

3 of our last reviews from 2008 are now on the website.


India Palace and Restaurant

Imaan

Cravings - Also known as the "place in the north tower" to people who work at the Foothills hospital


Hope you like em. One more from 2008 still to come, then onto 2009.

Phrases #3

Lip chap.

"What!!???!!!" you say? "That's not really a phrase, hell....I've never heard that"

Really? Do you not hang out with any 15-30 year old females? Well I feel sorry for you. I however seem to have surrounded myself with this sub-species, and have found this to be a common incorrectly used expression, especially in winter.

An example....
"It's so dry in here, does anyone have any lip chap I can borrow???"

Um....sure, let me just scrape some of the dry chappy skin off of my lips and give it to you....and as far as borrowing it goes....don't worry about it. You can keep it.

The problem is called lip chap.....well...not really even....but for a 15-30 year old female we'll let that slide. The solution to the problem is called chap stick. Or lip gloss. Or blistex. Or....well.....whatever....you get the idea.

Why would you ask for the problem itself when you're actually looking for the solution to the problem?

When you head to the pharmacy wanting your birth controldo you ask the pharmacist "can you help me get an unwanted pregnancy?"
When you go to the garage, and you need an oil change do you ask for a seized engine?
When you're feeling kinda hungry do you head down to the restaurant and ask for a starving Ethiopian fly-baby?

So.....why do people ask for lip chap when they're wanting something for chapped lips?

Damn Sorcerers!!!!

Original article here

I have absolutely nothing to add to this....it pretty much works on its own.

KINSHASA, April 22 (Reuters Life!) - Police in Congo have arrested 13 suspected sorcerers accused of using black magic to steal or shrink men's penises after a wave of panic and attempted lynchings triggered by the alleged witchcraft.

Reports of so-called penis snatching are not uncommon in West Africa, where belief in traditional religions and witchcraft remains widespread, and where ritual killings to obtain blood or body parts still occur.

Rumours of penis theft began circulating last week in Kinshasa, Democratic Republic of Congo's sprawling capital of some 8 million inhabitants. They quickly dominated radio call-in shows, with listeners advised to beware of fellow passengers in communal taxis wearing gold rings.

Purported victims, 14 of whom were also detained by police, claimed that sorcerers simply touched them to make their genitals shrink or disappear, in what some residents said was an attempt to extort cash with the promise of a cure.

"You just have to be accused of that, and people come after you. We've had a number of attempted lynchings. ... You see them covered in marks after being beaten," Kinshasa's police chief, Jean-Dieudonne Oleko, told Reuters on Tuesday.

Police arrested the accused sorcerers and their victims in an effort to avoid the sort of bloodshed seen in Ghana a decade ago, when 12 suspected penis snatchers were beaten to death by angry mobs. The 27 men have since been released.

"I'm tempted to say it's one huge joke," Oleko said.

"But when you try to tell the victims that their penises are still there, they tell you that it's become tiny or that they've become impotent. To that I tell them, 'How do you know if you haven't gone home and tried it'," he said.

Some Kinshasa residents accuse a separatist sect from nearby Bas-Congo province of being behind the witchcraft in revenge for a recent government crackdown on its members.

"It's real. Just yesterday here, there was a man who was a victim. We saw. What was left was tiny," said 29-year-old Alain Kalala, who sells phone credits near a Kinshasa police station. (For full Reuters Africa coverage and to have your say on the top issues, visit: http://africa.reuters.com/ ) (Editing by Nick Tattersall and Mary Gabriel)

Body Awareness

Hey boy's and girls!!!1!!! I'm here today to talk (rant) to you about "body awareness". Now I'm not talking about some kind of crazy metaphysical philosophy thing. And I'm sure as hell not talking about that thing where grotesquely obese women check out their genitals in a mirror to confirm their womanly beauty. Ew. Nope....I'm just talking about good old regular body awareness: being aware of where the hell you are putting that meat-bag your brain drives around in.

Do you have a friend or colleague that when you're out in public with always seems to be getting bumped into, or disrupting the flow of traffic around them? If yes, then you're probably fine.

If no.....then you're probably that guy!!! Do you often find yourself just going about your day, minding your own business when ka-pow! someone just plows into you? This might be because you have poor body awareness. Some people just seem to lack this unconscious talent. I'm pretty sure it can't be taught, but maybe with practice you can learn how not to be the equivalent of a blind man trying to cross a NASCAR track.

So yeah, in the end, this post is coming down to a lesson in how to walk properly....but as the Christmas rush gets more and more intense, you're going to see bigger crowds and more and more people having trouble negotiating them.

The most important thing; pay attention to what is going on around you!

For starters....I know there's no law about this, but generally in Canada, walk on the right hand side of things. Hallways, doorways, sidewalks etc. If you just step back a bit and watch, most of the people are walking down their respective right-hand sides, with a few faster walkers passing in the middle space. Works pretty well. At least it does until someone starts going up the left side against the flow. Whether they're British (watch...they walk on the left....) or just not paying attention, they will try to plow their way up the "wrong" side and create chaos in their wake. Like I said, there is no "law", and getting bumped into by a person on the wrong side of things is certainly better than getting hit by a car on the wrong side of the road, but it sure goes better when people are on the same page.

Also, if you're walking down a narrow hallway or sidewalk that is only wide enough for two people, don't walk right down the middle when people are trying to walk past you (in either direction). And if you're walking down said sidewalk/hallway with a friend, side by side.....and someone needs to get by....you're going to have to move to single-file, or move one of you onto the grass. Do not expect the person coming towards you to move....it would be a safer bet to expect them to lower their shoulder and try to hit you right on the chin with it.

And when you're walking somewhere crowded. Don't suddenly stop. I don't care how amazing the bargains are in the store across the hall, if you go from 60-0 in one step, someone is probably going to hit you right in the centre of the back. If you need to stop in a bit of a crowd, just angle off to the side, and you should be able to get out of the fast-moving stuff and stop. It's not that hard. And if for some reason you have stopped in a fast-moving crowd.....whatever you do, don't back up or move straight sideways under any circumstances. Even before you start walking forward again it's a good idea to take a quick look over your shoulder. Once you stop moving, the crowd will basically treat you like a lamp-post. Nobody worries too much about invading the personal space of a lamp-post, so the will walk a whole lot closer to you than if you were moving and there's a high possibility of a collision if you just start out again without looking.

One more thing. Especially during Christmas, you have to also be aware of where your stuff is. Pushing a shopping cart or stroller....carrying a pile of shopping bags? Don't forget to make room for these. Sure you can squeeze down that skinny aisle normally, but you've just doubled your width with those gigantor toys-r-us bags.... think about it. And if you're standing and looking at something on the left-hand side of a shop aisle....don't park your cart/stroller right beside you on the right-hand side. I personally have no qualms against arriving at your cart, taking hold of the handle and motoring off around the corner with it. However, I have no desire to posess your child, or a defend a felony kidnapping charge....so please.....don't block the entire aisle by yourself.

4 New reviews

So....just for the people who check this site more often than they do the main page. There are 4 new curry reviews up......

Samosa Express

Mughals

Moti Mahal/Copper Chimney South

Rasoi

Happy reading!!!!

Also, be Dodgy Curry's friend on facebook.... or join our Facebook group

Fun with telemarketers.

I just lost my cool (ok...i know...I never had any cool to lose.....but i can't think of another applicable expression).....on a telemarketer (actually a survey pimp....but whatever). I can't decide if it was funny or if I should be ashamed. I've just really gotten fed up with them....seems like they are the only "people" who call me anymore.

I really should have canceled my landline when I moved here. I sometimes use it for outgoing calls cause the phone itself is a bit easier to hold.....but I really don't make calls very often. As any of my friends know about 90% of my communication is done through text messages. My mom is pretty much the only person I ever want to talk to who calls my home number. Everyone else has my mobile. Much easier.

So yeah....I've been giving telemarket-whores a hard time for a while. Generally I'm respectful, but I don't appreciate their calls and I let them know. If they are polite to me I simply thank them for calling because it makes my decision to go with their competitor who has never bothered me at home that much easier. That usually get's a pretty good reaction. If they are rude, I'm equally rude. If they interrupt me....I mash the keypad and hang up. Pretty simple.

Even worse than the telemarketers, are the survey people. Every time you try to tell them you don't want to play their game, they repeat the same mantra "but sir, we're not selling anything". I don't care. I don't want you to harrass me. I've finally discovered a pretty quick strategy for respectfully getting rid of them. As soon as they say it's a survey I cut in and ask if I will be getting compensated for my answers. At least half the time they have to ask me what I mean.

Me - "I mean that I believe that my opinions are valuable and that I should be compensated with cash for sharing them with you. Are you paying me for my answers?" That's when they say "no" and I say, well call me when you're paying. Of course they still call the next day...and the next day....but it makes it quick....and it's gotta be at least a little frustrating for them.

I know people who will sit there and talk to them for ages. Ask them about the weather, how their kids are doing....blah blah blah. I guess the thought is that time is money and if you waste their time you cost them money. I'll admit that I've never bothered to look it up, but I'm pretty sure a pharmacist gets paid a bit more than a telemarketer....therefore, not worth my time. Also, I generally can't stand small talk with real humans, so why would I waste my witty banter on some faceless, spineless, bloodsucker?

So yeah....I'm not really sure what got into me tonight....but when my phone rang and it was one of those out of province numbers that just look wrong....I decided to take action. It was about 9:15pm and I remember when I was a kid, my parents would always go ballistic when our friends called after 9.....so I quickly decided on my technique.

Me - "Hello (pause....pause....pause...now annoyed...) Hello?"

TM - "Hello?" (why do they always sound surprised....like i called them or something....?)

Me - "Hi!" (....extra-special annoyed voice)

TM - "Good evening, I'm so-and-so calling from Shit-for-brains marketing....."

Me - "Excuse me! Are you seriously calling me after 9 at night for a survey?"

TM - (oblivious) "Yes sir, we're not trying to sell you anything, we're a marketing firm and we'd just like to ask you a few questions, it will only take about 15minutes"

Me - "You stupid bitch, I've got kids that are trying to sleep and you're ringing my phone in the middle of the night on a school night....don't ever call this number again!"

TM - "Er....um....."
(i hang up)


So yeah....pretty much a lie. The puppies were actually asleep....but they don't go to school in the morning. And I probably shouldn't have called her a bitch. But it was kinda fun too. So....I guess it balances out.

A couple more phrases.

OMG!!! The Angriest Pharmacist posted a comment on my blog!!!! That's so cool. It's like....finding out your buddy used to have Bobby Orr as a hockey coach cause he was on the same team as his kid..... or like finding out that your mom's best friend that's always over at her house for tea used to shag Warren Beatty..... or like finding out that you are eating in the same restaurant that Ren & Matt were just at for a review. I'm just gonna sit back and wait for the moderately hot pharmacy ladies to head my way to bask in my internet awesomness.

Ok....just havin a laugh. But he did have a good post the other day that reminded me of two more phrases to add to my list.
http://www.theangriestpharmacist.com/2008/10/24/have-a-nice-day/

"Have a nice day" - Like TAestP I refused to use this one. I really didn't care if 90% of the people I rang through the cash actually had a "nice day" or if it was crap. There would be the occasional regular that I like that I'd say this to and mean it. But if I don't know your name without looking at your prescription.......or if I know your name because you've done your part to blacken my little corner of the world by being an asshole (funny how we remember these ones so vividly)....I'm not going to say it....just "thanks.....bye".

"How's it going?" I'll admit to using this one among friends or even coworkers. Sometimes I actually do care how it's going. And if they ask me....I might even say something other than "fine....how are you?"if that is actually the case. But when some person (store clerk or customer depending on which side of the counter I'm on) asks me.....I just say "Fine.....thanks" and leave it at that. It's actually pretty funny watching their brains completely malfunction from this variation on the script. About 1/3 of them still reply with their own "I'm good....thanks" and then look confused because they just realized they answered a question that was not asked. Most though have a little more self-control and just go straight to the confused face. I love that confused face.


So thanks for the material TAestP. I'll keep reading

Phrases that drive me nuts!

I'm sure everyone has a bunch of sayings and expressions that just drive them nuts. Whether they're illogical, nonsensical, redundant, or just too frequently used you just cringe whenever you hear someone use them. As a pharmacist, dealing with the public it seems you get exposed to them at a higher rate than maybe someone who isn't on the front lines with people all day, so here's some of mine.

"No problem"

As a reply to "thank you" from a store clerk this one is infuriating. You're right it's "no problem". It's your freaken job. If it is a problem for you to do your job, perhaps you should look into a new one. Oh...you mean you weren't being a jerk? Then the correct response to thank you, is....."You're Welcome!"

Or, in pharmacy when I would tell people their prescription would be 10 minutes or so.... "no problem".... Oh? Should I be expecting a problem when telling people a perfectly reasonable wait time for their drugs? The correct response is "thanks, I'll check back then", rather than what is basically a vague threat that if the time had not have been satisfactory than there would have been a "problem"

"Everything Happens for a Reason"
Yeah....It's called cause and effect. The reason this happened is because you or someone else did something that set the ball rolling and caused it to happen. The reason is not "god's will", "karma" or any of that garbage....although it could be "entropy".

"Can I ask you just a quick question?"
In pharmacy, there is no such thing as a quick question. Unless it's not actually about pharmacy related things, in which case I'd be more annoyed that you wasted 10 seconds of my time on .... toilet paper, watermelon, bus tickets..... than if you'd spent 10 minutes on diabetes questions.

"God Bless"
I seem to get this one a lot as a mixed thank-you/good-bye at the end of phone consultations. Mostly with old ladies, but the occasional younger person too. Why exactly would I want the blessing of your god? I'm sure they don't mean anything by it....kinda like when old ladies say that the lady down the hall "is really nice even though I think she's chinese"....but still. I'm not "offended" by it, and I'm also not offended by "God" being in the national anthem etc....but I bet she would be mighty offended if let's say a Satanist pharmacist at Safeway answered the phone

"Thanks for calling Safeway pharmacy, Damian speaking, Hail Satan!!!!".

"But Ren", you say, "there's a difference".... Um....no, actually...there isn't. Or, since I don't know any satanic pharmacists personally, how bout if the phone was answered "Assalam alaikum". I would bet that the pharmacist greeting non-Muslims like that would most likely receive a complaint at some point. But for some reason it's ok for people to slap me in the side of the head with a "god bless" whenever they feel like it.

"Sorry to bother you, but....."
For starters. Even if it's 5 minutes to closing, I'm still getting paid to help you out...so don't be sorry. Ask your question and let's all get out of here.
The one exception.... Christmas (or other holidays). Don't tell me how sorry you are that I'm working. If you felt bad about my store being open, you wouldn't be there. Yes, if we weren't open, you couldn't be there.....but if we were open all day and nobody came, we sure as heck wouldn't be open next year. So you're not helping.

"It's a small world"
No, it's not. It's actually pretty big. But for some reason whenever people run into each other it's a small world. For starters, you know too many people. When you start small-worlding cause you ran into your second cousin's ex-wife, you might have a problem. And really, despite there being millions of places to go, people from similar backgrounds with similar experiences (that's why you know them) tend to cluster around the same places. You don't keep running into your old neighbour from Swift Current, Saskatchewan at a Red Lobster in calgary because it's a small world. You keep running into them because both of you have horrible taste in restaurants.

"Just put your John Henry on there"
I think/hope you mean "John Hancock". The guy who signed his name really big on the US declaration of independence, making his name synonymous with signatures. Not John Henry who is well known in american folk songs as a "Steel Driving Man". Of course you wouldn't actually know that since you think Leadbelly is the tummy-ache you get after a couple too many Jagerbombs. I would have to assume that "putting my john henry on there" would actually involve me swinging a sledge hammer through your counter. This could be arranged if you prefer.

"that thing that's going around"
People are always coming in asking for whatever is best for "that thing that's going around". Like there's only 1 disease in all of Calgary at a time. Or they come in, sick and ask if there's "something going around". There's always "something" going around you fool. A whole bunch of things. We had 3 cases of malaria at the hospital here a couple weeks ago....I should have given all these people malaria pills. Or, how bout you tell me how your "thing" is affecting you and we can just treat you and not what you perceive to be the beginning of an epidemic.


Well that's probably enough rage for now. Let me know what you think, or put your own most hated phrases in the comments. Maybe I'll make this an ongoing series.