Friday night Flames Fun

So, I managed to score a ticket to the Flames game last night. It was a good game, I'm glad I went. I love watching hockey and I don't really do it enough. But this story isn't about that. It's about all the wonderful people I saw during my evening.

First of the night, an older couple sat down across from me in my little pod of four seats on the train. They looked pretty shaggy and horrible, but I don't think they were homeless....maybe he was a college professor or something. They were talking about boring stuff....and I really didn't want to get accidentally included, so I just put them on ignore and proceeded to text message pretty much everybody I know.

I've got an LG KEYBO (worst name EVER) phone, with a fold-out full QWERTY keyboard. And while I'm typing away, the wife notices my phone and starts talking to her husband about it. Ok, whatever....you're old and it's kinda neat...fair enough. But she doesn't just stop...she goes on and on.

"look at that phone he has"
"i think it has a full keyboard"
"it does, it does have a full keyboard"
"i bet you can really type fast on those"
"oh, but it's so small he still just uses his thumbs"
"but boy he can sure type fast anyway"
"do you think I should get one of those"

Husband (first thing he's said other than uh huh) - "What? Why? What the hell would you do with that?!?"

"it just looks really neat"
"you can tell, he's talking to all his friends"
"keeping up with things"
"young people are so in touch these days"

Finally I'd had enough. I flipped my phone closed and decided to make super-uncomfortable eye-contact with her. She shut right up but I'll admit she held my stare for about 2 seconds before looking over at her husband and resuming talking about not-me.

Seriously. What the hell. Did you not realize I could hear you. You were exactly 1.5 feet away from me. Our fucking knees were pretty much touching. I've had dates with less physical intimacy. Maybe she just thought I couldn't understand her. Like I was a puppy. Or a badly misdirected Nigerian boy who doesn't speak a word of english.



So, the next hilarious person, was the greasy hippy at the game itself. He had the whole outfit. Long stringy gray hair, that used to be black. Leather headband with some kind of fake jewels up front and center. Big horrible mustache. Suede Navajo jacket with fringe. Skin tight vertically striped pants in Chicago Bears colors (orange/blue/white). Flames jersey.

Whoah. Back it up. What were those last two. For starters...doesn't wearing "Officially Licensed Product" kinda go against the whole hippy mentality? I'll admit, he didn't have it customized or anything, and it wasn't one of the newest RBK Edge jerseys.....but still.....that just rubbed me the wrong way. And I don't even know what to say about those pants. They were incredible. They looked like something one of the second tier British Invasion groups would have worn....like the Dave Clark Five, or the Spencer Davis Group. You know...those guys.

Stranger still was his seating arrangement. You'd think that a filthy dirty hippy would A) be sitting alone, just ruining other peoples nights with his existence. Or B) be sitting in a posse of other filthy dirty hippies. Possibly a drum circle in section 222. But nope. He was sitting in the middle of a group of relatively clean-cut younger guys. Maybe he was their uncle. Just out of jail. "Hey kids, point out on the doll where dirty old uncle tom touched you"......



On the ride home on the train I got two good ones. The first was a father and son, riding the train home after the game. The kid about 17 or 18, dad older enough to have an 18 year old kid. Nothing weird about that you say. Well it is if they have matching fucking jackets. And they did. Admittedly some matching jackets would be ok. Like Calgary Flames jackets. Or, some kind of sports team they both play on. Or a family business. Also, take note, I'm not talking about jackets that are just kinda similar....like if they both had black leather bombers or something.

Nope....completely identical ski-jackets. The kind you get at costco with the zip-out fleece, and then as soon as you get it home you notice everyone else in town is wearing one. It's one thing to match some random person at the mall. But seriously guys....couldn't you have grabbed different colors or something? Did you think that you were never going to be out in public together? I know they're a great deal....but think ahead....just for once.



The last one was less an oddity than just some simple eye-candy for me. She got on a couple stops into the ride. Fairly attractive, late 20's-early 30's Indian girl. Wearing a very nice short skirt. I may have been paying too much attention to the father-son fashion mistake for the first part of the ride, but then I just couldn't wait for them to get out of the way. The nice thing about the C-Train is at night you can use the windows for some nice covert views of things. You look like you're staring wistfully into space when in reality, you're looking at some girl. Or some dirty hippy. Or whatever looks most interesting that you maybe don't want to get caught staring right at.

What I didn't want to get caught staring at was her legs. Nothing special....maybe a bit chubby even. But, the way she had them crossed, her skirt was only about 1/2 a breath away from completely exposing her panties. She rode on and on, talking on her phone the whole time, when finally it came to her stop. But she didn't realize at first it was her stop. She was too engrossed in her phone conversation. So when she realized she was about to miss her station, she quickly, and carelessly uncrossed her legs giving me a full view. She was never in danger of exposing her panties, they were safely at home where she'd left them.

Damn Carjacking Goats

Ok....I've really got to start following more African news. I've got another big winner this time from Nigeria. If Nigerians like goat curry as much as I do, this guy is in big trouble....maybe he should have picked a less tasty creature.

Original article here

Nigerian police detain goat over armed robbery

LAGOS (Reuters) - Police in Nigeria are holding a goat on suspicion of attempted armed robbery.

Vigilantes took the black and white beast to the police saying it was an armed robber who had used black magic to transform himself into a goat to escape arrest after trying to steal a Mazda 323.

"The group of vigilante men came to report that while they were on patrol they saw some hoodlums attempting to rob a car. They pursued them. However one of them escaped while the other turned into a goat," Kwara state police spokesman Tunde Mohammed told Reuters by telephone.

"We cannot confirm the story, but the goat is in our custody. We cannot base our information on something mystical. It is something that has to be proved scientifically, that a human being turned into a goat," he said.

Belief in witchcraft is widespread in parts of Nigeria, Africa's most populous nation. Residents came to the police station to see the goat, photographed in one national newspaper on its knees next to a pile of straw.

(Reporting by Nick Tattersall; Editing by Katie Nguyen)

One more phrase from retail hell

I haven't had to deal with this one in a while....but I always enjoyed the inanity of it.

When referring to your debit machine and wondering which way to swipe their card - "Why do they have to make every machine different?"

Er.....what?!!??

Actually...let me just run a statistical analysis, based on the number of choices, assuming equal distribution of all possible options. ....ok done.... I would say only about 50% of debit machines are different than this one you're trying to use here. You either swipe with the black stripe facing towards the body of the machine, or away from it. 2 choices. Unless this is the second time you've ever used your card, I'm guessing they haven't all been different.

Ok...there are some machines that you swipe across the top, but most you swipe down the side. This isn't really an important distinction, it's pretty obvious where to swipe your card. Unless you were a customer at my old Safeway. Even though the swipey gap was clearly on the side there was a tiny gap between the machine and its mounting bracket that people would frequently try to run their card through. This was despite the fact that the gap was narrower than a card, and despite the fact that forcing their card through the gap actually resulted in the plugs to the back of the machine being disconnected. Yep, despite this, I'd have to reconnect my till's debit machine a couple times per week.

So yeah....they're not "all different".... it would be nice if they put a reader on both sides so the direction you faced the card would be irrelevant, but they don't. And even if they did....there are the people who insist on swiping their cards with the black stripe up in their hand instead of down in the groove in the machine. Maybe you should talk to your bank about putting the magnetic strip on all 8 possible sides of your card, instead of whinging about the machine.

Jeans vs Underwear

One of my coworkers and I were chatting about relationships the other day. She was talking about how, while every relationship is going to have a certain amount of fire and passion in the beginning, eventually that is going to fade and it's the friendship and common bond that you have formed that will keep you with that person over the years.

And I said, "well duh, most failed relationships are like underwear while the successful ones are like jeans."

And she looked at me so confused. And then she thought about it. And then she started talking, and she fleshed it right out. And it's funny...I didn't even think about it before I said it, but I think I hit the nail right on the head. Maybe I'd heard the analogy before....or maybe I'm just a genius. Could go either way really.

But back to the analogy.

A new pair of underwear is a pretty snazzy thing. They always fit so well. If you're a lady, there's a good chance they look really nice and sexy. Heck, if not for public decency laws and your own modesty, you'd probably show everyone you meet your new undies.

The problem with new undies, is that they don't stay new. Right from the first time you wash them little problems start to show up. Maybe a little detergent stain (or worse) so they don't look as nice. Maybe the elastic gets a little stretched out. Maybe a couple holes here and there. Next thing you know, you're looking for a new pair of undies. But that's the thing with undies, they're disposable. You don't have to invest a lot into them and you can get some real quality use out of them. But then when they start to get a bit old, there's nothing better than to just throw them away and get a brand new pair.

I'm sure you've figured out where this is going, but I hate to stop when I'm on a roll.

Jeans are a tricky beast. You can search all over town, check out dozens of pairs, and then come home with one that just feels kinda good. When you look in the mirror, they look pretty good, and your friends will probably admire them, but they're still just little odd when brand new. Maybe you'll even wonder if you should have gotten a different pair.

The magical thing with jeans though, is with time they just get better and better. With each wash they get a little softer and more comfortable. They start to fit a little better. Maybe they don't look as shiny and new as they once did, but everything else about them is better. Eventually, your jeans start to feel like an extension of yourself, and you really can't imagine doing anything without them. Ever pack for a trip without putting your favourite jeans in the suitcase? Probably because you were already planning to wear them en route. You can't imagine ever having to go get a new pair because you know they'll never be as good as the ones you already have.

When you're shopping for clothes, you can tell which one you're buying in advance. It's a little more difficult with relationships. Oh yeah, there are clues here and there, but also it takes a lot of hard work and commitment. Good luck finding your favourite jeans people.

3 New Reviews Up

3 of our last reviews from 2008 are now on the website.


India Palace and Restaurant

Imaan

Cravings - Also known as the "place in the north tower" to people who work at the Foothills hospital


Hope you like em. One more from 2008 still to come, then onto 2009.