Friday night Flames Fun

So, I managed to score a ticket to the Flames game last night. It was a good game, I'm glad I went. I love watching hockey and I don't really do it enough. But this story isn't about that. It's about all the wonderful people I saw during my evening.

First of the night, an older couple sat down across from me in my little pod of four seats on the train. They looked pretty shaggy and horrible, but I don't think they were homeless....maybe he was a college professor or something. They were talking about boring stuff....and I really didn't want to get accidentally included, so I just put them on ignore and proceeded to text message pretty much everybody I know.

I've got an LG KEYBO (worst name EVER) phone, with a fold-out full QWERTY keyboard. And while I'm typing away, the wife notices my phone and starts talking to her husband about it. Ok, whatever....you're old and it's kinda neat...fair enough. But she doesn't just stop...she goes on and on.

"look at that phone he has"
"i think it has a full keyboard"
"it does, it does have a full keyboard"
"i bet you can really type fast on those"
"oh, but it's so small he still just uses his thumbs"
"but boy he can sure type fast anyway"
"do you think I should get one of those"

Husband (first thing he's said other than uh huh) - "What? Why? What the hell would you do with that?!?"

"it just looks really neat"
"you can tell, he's talking to all his friends"
"keeping up with things"
"young people are so in touch these days"

Finally I'd had enough. I flipped my phone closed and decided to make super-uncomfortable eye-contact with her. She shut right up but I'll admit she held my stare for about 2 seconds before looking over at her husband and resuming talking about not-me.

Seriously. What the hell. Did you not realize I could hear you. You were exactly 1.5 feet away from me. Our fucking knees were pretty much touching. I've had dates with less physical intimacy. Maybe she just thought I couldn't understand her. Like I was a puppy. Or a badly misdirected Nigerian boy who doesn't speak a word of english.



So, the next hilarious person, was the greasy hippy at the game itself. He had the whole outfit. Long stringy gray hair, that used to be black. Leather headband with some kind of fake jewels up front and center. Big horrible mustache. Suede Navajo jacket with fringe. Skin tight vertically striped pants in Chicago Bears colors (orange/blue/white). Flames jersey.

Whoah. Back it up. What were those last two. For starters...doesn't wearing "Officially Licensed Product" kinda go against the whole hippy mentality? I'll admit, he didn't have it customized or anything, and it wasn't one of the newest RBK Edge jerseys.....but still.....that just rubbed me the wrong way. And I don't even know what to say about those pants. They were incredible. They looked like something one of the second tier British Invasion groups would have worn....like the Dave Clark Five, or the Spencer Davis Group. You know...those guys.

Stranger still was his seating arrangement. You'd think that a filthy dirty hippy would A) be sitting alone, just ruining other peoples nights with his existence. Or B) be sitting in a posse of other filthy dirty hippies. Possibly a drum circle in section 222. But nope. He was sitting in the middle of a group of relatively clean-cut younger guys. Maybe he was their uncle. Just out of jail. "Hey kids, point out on the doll where dirty old uncle tom touched you"......



On the ride home on the train I got two good ones. The first was a father and son, riding the train home after the game. The kid about 17 or 18, dad older enough to have an 18 year old kid. Nothing weird about that you say. Well it is if they have matching fucking jackets. And they did. Admittedly some matching jackets would be ok. Like Calgary Flames jackets. Or, some kind of sports team they both play on. Or a family business. Also, take note, I'm not talking about jackets that are just kinda similar....like if they both had black leather bombers or something.

Nope....completely identical ski-jackets. The kind you get at costco with the zip-out fleece, and then as soon as you get it home you notice everyone else in town is wearing one. It's one thing to match some random person at the mall. But seriously guys....couldn't you have grabbed different colors or something? Did you think that you were never going to be out in public together? I know they're a great deal....but think ahead....just for once.



The last one was less an oddity than just some simple eye-candy for me. She got on a couple stops into the ride. Fairly attractive, late 20's-early 30's Indian girl. Wearing a very nice short skirt. I may have been paying too much attention to the father-son fashion mistake for the first part of the ride, but then I just couldn't wait for them to get out of the way. The nice thing about the C-Train is at night you can use the windows for some nice covert views of things. You look like you're staring wistfully into space when in reality, you're looking at some girl. Or some dirty hippy. Or whatever looks most interesting that you maybe don't want to get caught staring right at.

What I didn't want to get caught staring at was her legs. Nothing special....maybe a bit chubby even. But, the way she had them crossed, her skirt was only about 1/2 a breath away from completely exposing her panties. She rode on and on, talking on her phone the whole time, when finally it came to her stop. But she didn't realize at first it was her stop. She was too engrossed in her phone conversation. So when she realized she was about to miss her station, she quickly, and carelessly uncrossed her legs giving me a full view. She was never in danger of exposing her panties, they were safely at home where she'd left them.