Phrases that drive me nuts!

I'm sure everyone has a bunch of sayings and expressions that just drive them nuts. Whether they're illogical, nonsensical, redundant, or just too frequently used you just cringe whenever you hear someone use them. As a pharmacist, dealing with the public it seems you get exposed to them at a higher rate than maybe someone who isn't on the front lines with people all day, so here's some of mine.

"No problem"

As a reply to "thank you" from a store clerk this one is infuriating. You're right it's "no problem". It's your freaken job. If it is a problem for you to do your job, perhaps you should look into a new one. Oh...you mean you weren't being a jerk? Then the correct response to thank you, is....."You're Welcome!"

Or, in pharmacy when I would tell people their prescription would be 10 minutes or so.... "no problem".... Oh? Should I be expecting a problem when telling people a perfectly reasonable wait time for their drugs? The correct response is "thanks, I'll check back then", rather than what is basically a vague threat that if the time had not have been satisfactory than there would have been a "problem"

"Everything Happens for a Reason"
Yeah....It's called cause and effect. The reason this happened is because you or someone else did something that set the ball rolling and caused it to happen. The reason is not "god's will", "karma" or any of that garbage....although it could be "entropy".

"Can I ask you just a quick question?"
In pharmacy, there is no such thing as a quick question. Unless it's not actually about pharmacy related things, in which case I'd be more annoyed that you wasted 10 seconds of my time on .... toilet paper, watermelon, bus tickets..... than if you'd spent 10 minutes on diabetes questions.

"God Bless"
I seem to get this one a lot as a mixed thank-you/good-bye at the end of phone consultations. Mostly with old ladies, but the occasional younger person too. Why exactly would I want the blessing of your god? I'm sure they don't mean anything by it....kinda like when old ladies say that the lady down the hall "is really nice even though I think she's chinese"....but still. I'm not "offended" by it, and I'm also not offended by "God" being in the national anthem etc....but I bet she would be mighty offended if let's say a Satanist pharmacist at Safeway answered the phone

"Thanks for calling Safeway pharmacy, Damian speaking, Hail Satan!!!!".

"But Ren", you say, "there's a difference".... Um....no, actually...there isn't. Or, since I don't know any satanic pharmacists personally, how bout if the phone was answered "Assalam alaikum". I would bet that the pharmacist greeting non-Muslims like that would most likely receive a complaint at some point. But for some reason it's ok for people to slap me in the side of the head with a "god bless" whenever they feel like it.

"Sorry to bother you, but....."
For starters. Even if it's 5 minutes to closing, I'm still getting paid to help you out...so don't be sorry. Ask your question and let's all get out of here.
The one exception.... Christmas (or other holidays). Don't tell me how sorry you are that I'm working. If you felt bad about my store being open, you wouldn't be there. Yes, if we weren't open, you couldn't be there.....but if we were open all day and nobody came, we sure as heck wouldn't be open next year. So you're not helping.

"It's a small world"
No, it's not. It's actually pretty big. But for some reason whenever people run into each other it's a small world. For starters, you know too many people. When you start small-worlding cause you ran into your second cousin's ex-wife, you might have a problem. And really, despite there being millions of places to go, people from similar backgrounds with similar experiences (that's why you know them) tend to cluster around the same places. You don't keep running into your old neighbour from Swift Current, Saskatchewan at a Red Lobster in calgary because it's a small world. You keep running into them because both of you have horrible taste in restaurants.

"Just put your John Henry on there"
I think/hope you mean "John Hancock". The guy who signed his name really big on the US declaration of independence, making his name synonymous with signatures. Not John Henry who is well known in american folk songs as a "Steel Driving Man". Of course you wouldn't actually know that since you think Leadbelly is the tummy-ache you get after a couple too many Jagerbombs. I would have to assume that "putting my john henry on there" would actually involve me swinging a sledge hammer through your counter. This could be arranged if you prefer.

"that thing that's going around"
People are always coming in asking for whatever is best for "that thing that's going around". Like there's only 1 disease in all of Calgary at a time. Or they come in, sick and ask if there's "something going around". There's always "something" going around you fool. A whole bunch of things. We had 3 cases of malaria at the hospital here a couple weeks ago....I should have given all these people malaria pills. Or, how bout you tell me how your "thing" is affecting you and we can just treat you and not what you perceive to be the beginning of an epidemic.


Well that's probably enough rage for now. Let me know what you think, or put your own most hated phrases in the comments. Maybe I'll make this an ongoing series.